[ About five minutes later, Molly slinks down into the kitchen, wearing black leggings, his boots and a comfy hoodie that also seems to be missing half of it. It's apparently a thing, now. ]
Feeeeed meeeee.
[ Molly whines, making grabby hands for a coffee cup and the goods. ]
[ Having left the room with the food in a panic instead of leaving it on the bed as planned, he nods to the bag on the table. There's a black cup of coffee that Fjord pours out as the scantily-clad menace walks in. ]
Do all your shirts have to be mauled in half by a monster before you'll wear them?
[ Seeing the food, Molly's quick to sit and grab some for himself, looking a lot better than the absolute mess he was last night and this morning. He noms on a hashbrown when the hexadin comment on his shirt, and he can't help a grin. ]
They come like this, you know! It's fashionable.
[ You look like a purple twink, Molly. ]
It's a nice tummy, very good with what it needs to do. It deserves some love.
It's not cold inside, at least. I'll just wear longer things if it snows again.
[ Don't make him rationalize crop tops, Fjord!
The compliment makes him smile, though, and he gives it a pat just because. It's... not the best idea, and he has to take a moment to not spew. Still not great, then.
[ Molly looks up from his eggroll at that and leans back a bit so that he can listen to Fjord. He seems a little confused at first, but then he smiles sadly. ]
Hey. We both hurt eachother. It's not just you.
[ He takes a deep breath. ]
I can't fix what I did, but I miss you so much. Talking, eating together... but I also miss us. Waking up in your arms. Making you smile. Knowing you still love me.
Molly, I just wanted some space. [ Caleb was entirely right, as it turns out. ] I was overwhelmed and upset, I felt like my feelings were being shouted down. That's why I left. I took my stuff because I had no idea where I was going.
How was I supposed to know that? I just... I don't know how these things work. Relationships, I mean.
[ He feels the hand on his own, and turns it so he can clasp their fingers together. ]
I thought I had fucked it up forever and it almost broke me.
[ Hence the burning and flaying comments. It was stupid and pathetic and overly dramatic, very much similar to a young first heartbreak. Only Molly was an adult, not a teenager.
[ Molly says with a slight huff, but he smiles a little as well. It felt weird, to bee so obsessed about something that he let it hurt him this badly.
At the same time, it made him so happy. (Before this.)
Right now it just felt really fragile - combine that with his hangover and Molly was really ready to just go full drama in the kitchen at any more bullshit. ]
[ It feels like he broke Molly, which he did as Molly himself has said. It's something different to see him like this, subdued and tired, twisting up Fjord's guts when he thinks about the fact Molly was ready to almost flay off his own skin all because Fjord didn't sort out his reaction in private, like an adult. No, he had to put his foot down and damned the consequences. I don't want to love a part of you because it reminds me of someone else, that had been the painful kernel around which his whole discomfort circled. I don't want to share what we have with anyone else.
What is most important is that Molly is safe, at the end of things. Whatever he has scrawled on his skin is of no real importance to Fjord (not unless those eyes start glowing). It's done now, all of it. Nothing can change back even if a selfish part of himself wants it to so the problem is erased and his life is made easier, so it's up to him to shut up complaining and do damage control. ]
You really scared me when you said you wanted to hurt yourself because of me, I would never want you to do that. Promise me you won't.
[ Furtive glances search Molly for a hint of how he will react if Fjord continues, wary of what he wants to say and what's wiser not to. His wisdom has never been the best. ]
You can share yourself with lots of people, you're good at it, [ with a nod to the newly tattooed arm, ] but I'm not like that, Molly. I understand why we're not exclusively together and I wouldn't expect that of you whether we were on the island or not, I just ... never expected to have to share you with people when we were alone, too.
[ He frowns a bit at that, but it's not anger, just confusion. Pulling up his sleeve to look at his arm, he shakes his head. ]
You're not sharing me when we're alone. These are just memories, Fjord. My own reminders... and they're all connected on a background that represents you. Because we were... are together. I don't go on dates with other people, I come home to you every night that I can. We're both sleeping with other people but I am yours.
[ He trails his fingers down the water, bright blue on his lavender skin. ]
I know it bothers you, though. What can I do to help?
[ His voice heats up a little at first in exasperation over not being understood, held in check as he keeps his tone level and rubs a thumb over the back of Molly's hand. ]
I never — agreed — to bring anyone else into our bed, but now I have to have no problem with it because you made that decision for me, and I'm the bad guy if I don't like it. You decided, with your body. I'm completely outside the realm of having a say about what you do with it, but I do have a right to react and, Molly, I am sorry, but there's nothing to be done.
I feel like you put me on your skin but you don't want to deal with me.
[ He wants to be with Molly, he loves him. Love doesn't stop Fjord feeling like he's been somehow deeply misunderstood, though.
He was only with us for three months, he couldn't know me. ]
I didn't bring anyo- it's just art, Fjord! You're making it sound like I put someone else literally in bed with us.
[ He sighs and rubs his face a bit. ]
You're allowed to feel any way you want about it, shit, I never meant to invalidate your feelings or anything. It just hurt that you asked me to change it instead of starting with telling me what the issue was.
You never told me you liked her yet you came off like I did it to hurt you.
I was too busy falling in love with you to remember how I felt about Jester, you were here. You were alive, Molly! [ It shook him at the time, which Molly knows. ] I didn't want to lose you, and then I wanted you and I really fucking didn't want to lose you.
It's not just art to me, that's what you can't understand ... and why I'm not getting through to you.
[ Rising with his coffee, he walks to the other side of the kitchen with the breakfast island between them, setting his mug down to fold his arms in an unconsciously protective gesture. ]
[ Molly listens and rubs the back of his neck a bit, trying to see things the half-orc's way. But then Fjord just gets up and moves away again, and it makes his hackles rise. ]
Why... why do you always leave when we try to discuss things! I'm trying to understand you here, Fjord? I'm trying to fix things.
[ He grumbles and just... climbs up on the counter. ]
I'm asking what we need to do. Just... fine, fuck it, it doesn't matter why or how it bothers you, it does. What's the solution? Because I'm sure as fuck not letting more shit come between us than a kitchen island.
I don't know what's wrong with me, okay? I don't know!
[ Frustration has his hands open at his sides, heat translating into damp at the corners of his eyes. The growl on his voice cracks and dies, back to human, and he waves a hand widely. ]
I shared a dream or something with Vax, we were married in it, and I — I was so angry at the thought of anyone else putting their mark on him. I was furious!
[ He nods at that and slides closer, moving the coffee cup so he can sit right in front of Fjord. This is a lot more than just what's on the surface. ]
Alright. You have a shitton of stuff built up inside you, love. It's okay.
[ He reaches out a hand to put it on the half-orc's cheek. ]
You wanna yell? Sure. Cry? It's just me here. We'll figure this shit out, okay? I shared that dream thing with Caleb so I know which one you're talking about.
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lusi2020-11-13 08:36 pm
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Feeeeed meeeee.
[ Molly whines, making grabby hands for a coffee cup and the goods. ]
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Do all your shirts have to be mauled in half by a monster before you'll wear them?
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They come like this, you know! It's fashionable.
[ You look like a purple twink, Molly. ]
It's a nice tummy, very good with what it needs to do. It deserves some love.
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[ He takes a seat next to Molly on the end of the kitchen table, letting his gaze wander appreciatively over said tummy. ]
But it's cute, you're absolutely right. It suits you.
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[ Don't make him rationalize crop tops, Fjord!
The compliment makes him smile, though, and he gives it a pat just because. It's... not the best idea, and he has to take a moment to not spew. Still not great, then.
Oh well. ]
It's the only one I got, it better suit me.
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Molly, I ... I'm sorry for what I said and did. I've missed you, I've missed [ hah, his chest hurts, ] just being around you, in fact.
[ Gold eyes swivel up intently. ]
I'm sorry I was the one who hurt us.
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Hey. We both hurt eachother. It's not just you.
[ He takes a deep breath. ]
I can't fix what I did, but I miss you so much. Talking, eating together... but I also miss us. Waking up in your arms. Making you smile. Knowing you still love me.
[ The tiefling shakes his head. ]
Can we... try again? Please?
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[ Wait. ]
... Did we?
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[ Molly wraps his hands around his coffee cup, shoulders tightening a bit. ]
I thought you left me, and didn't love me any more.
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[ He reaches out to cover Molly's hand. ]
I never stopped caring about you.
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[ He feels the hand on his own, and turns it so he can clasp their fingers together. ]
I thought I had fucked it up forever and it almost broke me.
[ Hence the burning and flaying comments. It was stupid and pathetic and overly dramatic, very much similar to a young first heartbreak. Only Molly was an adult, not a teenager.
Well. Kind of. ]
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[ Squeezing that hand back. ]
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[ Molly says with a slight huff, but he smiles a little as well. It felt weird, to bee so obsessed about something that he let it hurt him this badly.
At the same time, it made him so happy. (Before this.)
Right now it just felt really fragile - combine that with his hangover and Molly was really ready to just go full drama in the kitchen at any more bullshit. ]
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Do you regret it?
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No. Not even when it hurt the most.
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What is most important is that Molly is safe, at the end of things. Whatever he has scrawled on his skin is of no real importance to Fjord (not unless those eyes start glowing). It's done now, all of it. Nothing can change back even if a selfish part of himself wants it to so the problem is erased and his life is made easier, so it's up to him to shut up complaining and do damage control. ]
You really scared me when you said you wanted to hurt yourself because of me, I would never want you to do that. Promise me you won't.
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Molly feels bad that he scared Fjord, because in hindsight he knows it was stupidly dramatic and childish. ]
I promise I won't. It was... dumb. I mean, I wasn't going to do it if the big man didn't have healing spells, I wasn't looking for the pain.
[ He's ashamed he even entertained the thought after being so loud about Fjord not having the right to say what on him. Stupid. ]
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[ Furtive glances search Molly for a hint of how he will react if Fjord continues, wary of what he wants to say and what's wiser not to. His wisdom has never been the best. ]
You can share yourself with lots of people, you're good at it, [ with a nod to the newly tattooed arm, ] but I'm not like that, Molly. I understand why we're not exclusively together and I wouldn't expect that of you whether we were on the island or not, I just ... never expected to have to share you with people when we were alone, too.
I struggle with it.
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You're not sharing me when we're alone. These are just memories, Fjord. My own reminders... and they're all connected on a background that represents you. Because we were... are together. I don't go on dates with other people, I come home to you every night that I can. We're both sleeping with other people but I am yours.
[ He trails his fingers down the water, bright blue on his lavender skin. ]
I know it bothers you, though. What can I do to help?
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I never — agreed — to bring anyone else into our bed, but now I have to have no problem with it because you made that decision for me, and I'm the bad guy if I don't like it. You decided, with your body. I'm completely outside the realm of having a say about what you do with it, but I do have a right to react and, Molly, I am sorry, but there's nothing to be done.
I feel like you put me on your skin but you don't want to deal with me.
[ He wants to be with Molly, he loves him. Love doesn't stop Fjord feeling like he's been somehow deeply misunderstood, though.
He was only with us for three months, he couldn't know me. ]
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[ He sighs and rubs his face a bit. ]
You're allowed to feel any way you want about it, shit, I never meant to invalidate your feelings or anything. It just hurt that you asked me to change it instead of starting with telling me what the issue was.
You never told me you liked her yet you came off like I did it to hurt you.
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It's not just art to me, that's what you can't understand ... and why I'm not getting through to you.
[ Rising with his coffee, he walks to the other side of the kitchen with the breakfast island between them, setting his mug down to fold his arms in an unconsciously protective gesture. ]
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Why... why do you always leave when we try to discuss things! I'm trying to understand you here, Fjord? I'm trying to fix things.
[ He grumbles and just... climbs up on the counter. ]
I'm asking what we need to do. Just... fine, fuck it, it doesn't matter why or how it bothers you, it does. What's the solution? Because I'm sure as fuck not letting more shit come between us than a kitchen island.
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[ Frustration has his hands open at his sides, heat translating into damp at the corners of his eyes. The growl on his voice cracks and dies, back to human, and he waves a hand widely. ]
I shared a dream or something with Vax, we were married in it, and I — I was so angry at the thought of anyone else putting their mark on him. I was furious!
And I don't know why.
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Alright. You have a shitton of stuff built up inside you, love. It's okay.
[ He reaches out a hand to put it on the half-orc's cheek. ]
You wanna yell? Sure. Cry? It's just me here. We'll figure this shit out, okay? I shared that dream thing with Caleb so I know which one you're talking about.
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