I don't know what's wrong with me, okay? I don't know!
[ Frustration has his hands open at his sides, heat translating into damp at the corners of his eyes. The growl on his voice cracks and dies, back to human, and he waves a hand widely. ]
I shared a dream or something with Vax, we were married in it, and I — I was so angry at the thought of anyone else putting their mark on him. I was furious!
[ He nods at that and slides closer, moving the coffee cup so he can sit right in front of Fjord. This is a lot more than just what's on the surface. ]
Alright. You have a shitton of stuff built up inside you, love. It's okay.
[ He reaches out a hand to put it on the half-orc's cheek. ]
You wanna yell? Sure. Cry? It's just me here. We'll figure this shit out, okay? I shared that dream thing with Caleb so I know which one you're talking about.
[ After Molly touches his hot cheek he runs his hands over his face and keeps the heels of his palms over his eyes as he takes a few steadying breaths. Phew. ]
When I thought he was mine, I changed. I was ... different.
[ How the fuck does he even begin to explain? It's humiliating, like admitting he's an animal. ]
[ He keeps his hand there, thumbing that beard a bit - gentle as he listens. Fjord changed when he thought Vax was his? Was that part of the dream as well? He didn't really remember that. ]
Hey. I know we fought and stuff, but you can trust me. What's going on?
[ He doubts that's it. Obviously something else was messing with him, though, and the tiefling cocks his head a bit to the side when he hears that last part. ]
I wasn't thinking about anything other than the fact he was mine, he was my husband, my — just mine.
[ He knows Yasha called her wife her mate but, being raised by humans, Fjord hesitates to use that word. He's halforc, not ... whatever that would imply, and he has to be careful about that shit because of what he is. ]
The only marks he wore were the ones I gave him and it felt good because he wanted them, not only that but because he wanted them solely from me.
[ Part of it is making him angry, the other part of him is already bleeding for Fjord's utter confusion and frustration over himself. ]
That's a mess. I don't belong to many people. I love them and I need them, but not like you. Just you. You know that, but something in your head messes it up, yeah?
[ He leans in, leaning their foreheads together. ]
Would it feel better to put your own mark on me? A real one, I mean.
[ He draws back his lips a little to show fangs. It might not be something he should be enabling, but anything to soothe that confused head. (And a little, tiny part of him thinks it's hot.) ]
[ Stressing out, he covers his face and slumps against the kitchen counter. He doesn't want to fight and he can't figure out why he's being such a stickler, so he gives up. His shoulders are a tense line and it feels like he's being an aggravating force in their relationship by telling the truth again, halfway to doing what Molly hates and wanting to walk out. ]
Can you just ... hold me?
[ He doesn't deserve it, he knows. But. It would help. ]
[ Arms wrapping around Molly as he hides against him, he lets out a shuddering sigh that serves to stifle his panic. After thirty seconds or so of just breathing, he admits, ]
It was because I'm half-orc, what happened. I know that much, and ... I think this place is playing on it.
[ Molly rubs his back a little, cuddling close to do his best to soothe. ]
This place is fucking up a lot of things. Messing with us. That's not your fault.
[ He pauses, pressing another small kiss against the top of his lover's head. ]
Neither is the fact that you have half-orc instincts or reactions. Even when this place is playing that up, it's still normal.
[ The tiefling knows that's probably not what Fjord wants to hear, as he's so messed up about this. He was probably told a lot to act human by the place he was from, and that was only half of him. ]
It's not normal to get annoyed by a tattoo, not when I like the rest of it. I don't want to be some weirdly possessive guy who goes around grunting like a beast when he doesn't get his way, that's not who I am.
[ His hold on Molly continues, a lump lodging in his throat when he feels his back being rubbed. ]
You should ... date someone less weird, someone who doesn't upset you.
[ Molly replies to that, soft despite the words. ]
If it was easy to do this relationship thing, then people wouldn't value it as much. If anything, it's good that you're weird, because I'm weird, too. It just makes me feel less like the outsider.
[ Why are you at the circus? Because I'm weird! ]
You upset me, sure. I upset you too. I don't want to date anyone else. I was angry and heartbroken and confused and I still wanted to be yours.
[ Taking one of Molly's hands in his, he kisses the spiral on the back of it and then peck, peck, peck, up his arm and over each symbol of their friends on the tattoo. ]
[ Molly purrs, sounding as loving as if he just said 'darling'. He smiles at the wandering kisses, running his fingers through the shaved sides of Fjord's hair. ]
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lusi2020-11-13 08:36 pm
no subject
[ Frustration has his hands open at his sides, heat translating into damp at the corners of his eyes. The growl on his voice cracks and dies, back to human, and he waves a hand widely. ]
I shared a dream or something with Vax, we were married in it, and I — I was so angry at the thought of anyone else putting their mark on him. I was furious!
And I don't know why.
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Alright. You have a shitton of stuff built up inside you, love. It's okay.
[ He reaches out a hand to put it on the half-orc's cheek. ]
You wanna yell? Sure. Cry? It's just me here. We'll figure this shit out, okay? I shared that dream thing with Caleb so I know which one you're talking about.
no subject
[ After Molly touches his hot cheek he runs his hands over his face and keeps the heels of his palms over his eyes as he takes a few steadying breaths. Phew. ]
When I thought he was mine, I changed. I was ... different.
[ How the fuck does he even begin to explain? It's humiliating, like admitting he's an animal. ]
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Hey. I know we fought and stuff, but you can trust me. What's going on?
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[ He turns to face Molly, tilting his cheek into the gentle touch. ]
My body changed the way I — I took him.
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[ He doubts that's it. Obviously something else was messing with him, though, and the tiefling cocks his head a bit to the side when he hears that last part. ]
The way you guys had sex? It changed your body?
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[ He knows Yasha called her wife her mate but, being raised by humans, Fjord hesitates to use that word. He's halforc, not ... whatever that would imply, and he has to be careful about that shit because of what he is. ]
The only marks he wore were the ones I gave him and it felt good because he wanted them, not only that but because he wanted them solely from me.
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I think I get it. You got all possessive about him?
[ It's not like Bo ever told him the secrets of the half-orcs or anything, but it makes sense that they had some of that in them. ]
I mean, it was very... very real. The dream made me in love with Caleb just as much as with you, so I can see it being all intense.
[ He's not sure where this is going, though, or if it had anything to do with their previous connection. Maybe Fjord was just letting everything out.
That would honestly be good for both of them. ]
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It wasn't like what we have. It was ... raw. I don't know how to describe it.
[ He doesn't really want to, sounding as if it was somehow better or more unique when it was actually a bit scary how wild he felt, in retrospect. ]
All I do know is that when I see everyone on your skin it feels like you belong to too many people, and not to me.
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Okay. I get what you mean.
[ Part of it is making him angry, the other part of him is already bleeding for Fjord's utter confusion and frustration over himself. ]
That's a mess. I don't belong to many people. I love them and I need them, but not like you. Just you. You know that, but something in your head messes it up, yeah?
[ He leans in, leaning their foreheads together. ]
Would it feel better to put your own mark on me? A real one, I mean.
[ He draws back his lips a little to show fangs. It might not be something he should be enabling, but anything to soothe that confused head. (And a little, tiny part of him thinks it's hot.) ]
I'm yours, love.
no subject
[ Stressing out, he covers his face and slumps against the kitchen counter. He doesn't want to fight and he can't figure out why he's being such a stickler, so he gives up. His shoulders are a tense line and it feels like he's being an aggravating force in their relationship by telling the truth again, halfway to doing what Molly hates and wanting to walk out. ]
Can you just ... hold me?
[ He doesn't deserve it, he knows. But. It would help. ]
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[ He leans down to press a kiss to Fjord's head. ]
...and always.
[ Smiling softly, he squishes himself down into his love's lap and holds him close. ]
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It was because I'm half-orc, what happened. I know that much, and ... I think this place is playing on it.
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[ Molly rubs his back a little, cuddling close to do his best to soothe. ]
This place is fucking up a lot of things. Messing with us. That's not your fault.
[ He pauses, pressing another small kiss against the top of his lover's head. ]
Neither is the fact that you have half-orc instincts or reactions. Even when this place is playing that up, it's still normal.
[ The tiefling knows that's probably not what Fjord wants to hear, as he's so messed up about this. He was probably told a lot to act human by the place he was from, and that was only half of him. ]
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[ His hold on Molly continues, a lump lodging in his throat when he feels his back being rubbed. ]
You should ... date someone less weird, someone who doesn't upset you.
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[ Molly replies to that, soft despite the words. ]
If it was easy to do this relationship thing, then people wouldn't value it as much. If anything, it's good that you're weird, because I'm weird, too. It just makes me feel less like the outsider.
[ Why are you at the circus? Because I'm weird! ]
You upset me, sure. I upset you too. I don't want to date anyone else. I was angry and heartbroken and confused and I still wanted to be yours.
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[ Taking one of Molly's hands in his, he kisses the spiral on the back of it and then peck, peck, peck, up his arm and over each symbol of their friends on the tattoo. ]
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[ Molly purrs, sounding as loving as if he just said 'darling'. He smiles at the wandering kisses, running his fingers through the shaved sides of Fjord's hair. ]
I love you.
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[ Looking up as fingers comb along the sides of his head, there's an honest vulnerability in his gaze. ]
I miss you.
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[ Molly says softly, meeting those golden eyes with his own. ]
I miss you too. Can we please start over?
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[ He can't promise he won't. ]
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[ He smiles softly, leaning their foreheads together again. ]
You deal with a lot from me, love.
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[ His hand runs up Molly's neck and into his hair, finding a horn to rub over. ]
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I'm also a troublemaker, a lush and a slut. You accept all of that, so why would I not accept a little strangeness? I love you.
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[ He stands, taking Molly's face gently in his hands. Absolutely is Molly a troublemaker and a lush, but. ]
You are not a slut, you're my boyfriend.
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