With Essek on his lap and Fjord nosing at the elf's temple, arms around him, it feels cosy in the captain's cabin as if Essek is, momentarily, Fjord's responsibility. Anxieties and all.
"When we get home there are loose ends we need to tie up, but we won't be doing that forever. Any of us can disguise you, if you feel uncomfortable walking around in plain sight back home.
"We'll stick together, that's how you know things will work out."
The closeness of the cabin, shut off and isolated from all the rest, the warmth and strength of the arms around him and the pleasant cadence of Fjord's voice, soft and reassuring, all wrap him in a protective intimacy. The thought of home aches, both in its absence and in knowing what likely awaits, but at least in this moment, it is ok for it to hurt.
Still, Essek sighs a little, curling against him a little more, inch by inch.
"I know...and I appreciate the offer. Truly, I do. But...I fear that it won't be long before the Dynasty's gaze will be more closely upon me. I cannot expect you all to protect me forever."
The breath Fjord lets out is astonished and annoyed.
"Of course you can. If the Dynasty comes for you we'll fuck their shit up. Okay? What do you think you're going to do, wander off in the dead of night and give yourself up to spare us? You're cool, you know, but you're also dumb as a brick sometimes.
"And the Empire? Will you fight the elite soldiers of the Cerberus Assembly as well as my homeland, both? You would only heighten their determination."
Essek shakes his head, shifting in discomfort. "No. If I give myself up I am forfeiting my life, and I want to live. Despite all of the terrible things that I have done, there is more yet that I want to learn. The mysteries of dunamis and the Luxon...no one else will do the work. Even if I am exiled from my homeland, I want to continue. But I will not continually ask you all to risk your lives for my sake. And I am sure there are other things you all wish to do, your own futures to pursue."
"We'll fight everyone to keep you safe, it's that simple."
Rubbing Essek's back, he chins the elf's shoulder and listens to him wax lyrical about striving for The Truth and Mysteries ... Fjord blinks slowly, rubbing his beard on Essek's sleeve.
"You sound lowkey stressed as fuck about a bunch of stuff, things that aren't applicable while we're trapped on this shitty island. Overthinking things here will only depress you or turn you mad, and I like listening to you talk without wondering if you're scared of what you're disassembling in your head." Resting his cheek on a shoulder, Fjord wraps him up in a hug around his middle. "I can't reach in there to make you feel better about any of it, with my hands or my words — maybe only Caleb can, and that's alright — but I can hold onto you here or in front of the Bright Queen.
"I don't think I'm some sun that's going to burn radiant energy down on all the shadows you carry around. I could be a blanket in the dark, though. A barrier."
I can hold onto you here or in front of the Bright Queen.
Something fractures. It feels like a physical break, somewhere buried in his chest, but it reverberates outward, fast like a lightning bolt. Essek crumples into that embrace, shoulders hunching, brows pinching together as that wave pushes breath from his lungs. Hands fly to his face, pressing palms to his eyes to stave off tears that are already there.
The sobs that come are harder to hide, soft and halting.
Fjord sits up straight and guides Essek into the sanctuary of his shoulder where he can hide as much as he needs to, a hand running up and down a bowed back as another buries in short silvery hair. No platitudes are offered, no empty promises that everything will be okay, just support for a man who may have lost his home. Fjord may never have had one to call his own but he can imagine how, in the midst of a shining twilight city, surrounded by protective walls of his own making, everything was still always familiar whether Essek felt content or not.
If your people want to punish you, that must be one thing, but quite another if they don't want you back at all.
"You are not alone anymore," that's true. He speaks into soft hair. "For what it's worth, you never have to be again. We're here."
The catharsis intensifies as Fjord draws him closer, tucked into a gentle, steadfast warmth. It's a release of so many things; the lingering fears of what likely awaits at home; the anxiety of forgiveness, of failing the new expectations that comes with it, of somehow turning back down that road; the relief of reassurance, so simply given, of love still - in his mind - undeserved.
All that he has now is because of them. Because of this affection he hadn't even asked or looked for. But it was something that he had sorely needed.
It only lasts a few minutes, even if it feels longer. Finally Essek shifts away from Fjord's collar, damp now, eyes aching and throat raw.
"Sorry-" his voice is hoarse, unsteady. "do you-...is there a handkerchief, or something? I-"
A soft There, there is murmured into Essek's hair mid-way through the impromptu breakdown. By the time Essek is done ugly-crying and is sniffling instead, a snotty mess, Fjord reaches over for the tea-towel. Napkins and serviettes there are not.
"Here."
He continues to gently rub Essek on the back as the guy finds his equilibrium.
The towel takes care of the worst of it and lingering sniffles, and a quick wave of prestidigitation does the rest. He still aches, the worst of it moving to his temples now. Fjord's hand at his back is soothing, but Essek still shakes his head.
"Not really, no." He sniffs again, dabbing at his nose. "...maybe?...but I have a headache now."
He shifts away, floating upward and hiding another sniffle in the cloth. While things do feel less intense, everything seems to ache now, down to a dull, throbbing pain in his temples. The catharsis has left him feeling too drained to do battle with anything else.
"I don't want to keep you from your work." A vague gesture towards the food abandoned on the table. "Or your meal."
"Those aren't important. It's no trouble, and no one will interrupt us here if we hide out for a while."
He rises and rubs Essek on the arm as he passes, heading to the bed. It's just large enough for two people and Fjord tosses the various pillows and cushions toward the corner by the wall, shaking out a couple of blankets which, just like the rugs Avantika claimed from all over Wildemount, are a mismatch of styles. One of them is dark grey with silvery threads woven into purple geometric designs and, while beautiful, has been relegated (by Molly, most likely) to the bottom of the pile for its lack of bright cheery colour. The Dynasty design hangs with its tassels off the end of the bed, poking out, ignored out of habit as Fjord searches for the warmest blanket.
"If it makes you feel better, I can scroll on the device's network while you nap. I'll make sure no one urgently needs us."
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no subject
With Essek on his lap and Fjord nosing at the elf's temple, arms around him, it feels cosy in the captain's cabin as if Essek is, momentarily, Fjord's responsibility. Anxieties and all.
"When we get home there are loose ends we need to tie up, but we won't be doing that forever. Any of us can disguise you, if you feel uncomfortable walking around in plain sight back home.
"We'll stick together, that's how you know things will work out."
no subject
Still, Essek sighs a little, curling against him a little more, inch by inch.
"I know...and I appreciate the offer. Truly, I do. But...I fear that it won't be long before the Dynasty's gaze will be more closely upon me. I cannot expect you all to protect me forever."
no subject
"Of course you can. If the Dynasty comes for you we'll fuck their shit up. Okay? What do you think you're going to do, wander off in the dead of night and give yourself up to spare us? You're cool, you know, but you're also dumb as a brick sometimes.
"A really, really pretty brick."
no subject
Essek shakes his head, shifting in discomfort. "No. If I give myself up I am forfeiting my life, and I want to live. Despite all of the terrible things that I have done, there is more yet that I want to learn. The mysteries of dunamis and the Luxon...no one else will do the work. Even if I am exiled from my homeland, I want to continue. But I will not continually ask you all to risk your lives for my sake. And I am sure there are other things you all wish to do, your own futures to pursue."
no subject
Rubbing Essek's back, he chins the elf's shoulder and listens to him wax lyrical about striving for The Truth and Mysteries ... Fjord blinks slowly, rubbing his beard on Essek's sleeve.
"You think too much, Essek. Want to take a nap?"
no subject
Essek blinks at the sudden end to the conversation. "I thought we here to eat?"
He gestures to their still untouched burgers on the table.
no subject
"I don't think I'm some sun that's going to burn radiant energy down on all the shadows you carry around. I could be a blanket in the dark, though. A barrier."
no subject
Something fractures. It feels like a physical break, somewhere buried in his chest, but it reverberates outward, fast like a lightning bolt. Essek crumples into that embrace, shoulders hunching, brows pinching together as that wave pushes breath from his lungs. Hands fly to his face, pressing palms to his eyes to stave off tears that are already there.
The sobs that come are harder to hide, soft and halting.
no subject
If your people want to punish you, that must be one thing, but quite another if they don't want you back at all.
"You are not alone anymore," that's true. He speaks into soft hair. "For what it's worth, you never have to be again. We're here."
no subject
All that he has now is because of them. Because of this affection he hadn't even asked or looked for. But it was something that he had sorely needed.
It only lasts a few minutes, even if it feels longer. Finally Essek shifts away from Fjord's collar, damp now, eyes aching and throat raw.
"Sorry-" his voice is hoarse, unsteady. "do you-...is there a handkerchief, or something? I-"
no subject
"Here."
He continues to gently rub Essek on the back as the guy finds his equilibrium.
"Feeling a little better?"
no subject
"Not really, no." He sniffs again, dabbing at his nose. "...maybe?...but I have a headache now."
no subject
Fjord pats Essek on the legs to prompt him to move, nodding to the bed covered in an assortment of blankets from all over Wildemount.
"It's just about big enough for both of us, if you're happy to share. Or I can work on my map some more while you rest up."
no subject
"I don't want to keep you from your work." A vague gesture towards the food abandoned on the table. "Or your meal."
no subject
He rises and rubs Essek on the arm as he passes, heading to the bed. It's just large enough for two people and Fjord tosses the various pillows and cushions toward the corner by the wall, shaking out a couple of blankets which, just like the rugs Avantika claimed from all over Wildemount, are a mismatch of styles. One of them is dark grey with silvery threads woven into purple geometric designs and, while beautiful, has been relegated (by Molly, most likely) to the bottom of the pile for its lack of bright cheery colour. The Dynasty design hangs with its tassels off the end of the bed, poking out, ignored out of habit as Fjord searches for the warmest blanket.
"If it makes you feel better, I can scroll on the device's network while you nap. I'll make sure no one urgently needs us."