lusi | ( fjord's perma-catchall )

vax ushers fjord inside and closes the door gently behind him, then leads him over to his bed where he pulls him down to join him. this... sucks, if this is an augur effect. it's taken fjord's free will from him, and vax can't resist running the back of his knuckles along fjord's cheek.

"shit, fjord. you can stay as long as you want to be here, alright? i won't let anyone ask you to do dumb shit."

he considers this new position, for a moment.

"does this mean you have to answer questions honestly, too?"

A moment of internal panic takes over as he cuts Vax off, the tingling in the back of his head sparking up.

"Don't say 'shit, Fjord'! Take that back!"

vax'ildan can't help but laugh despite himself, reaching out to take fjord's hands in his own. "relax. okay? relax."

he knows what he's doing.

"i take it back. you'll be fine, don't shit unless you need to."

"This is the stupidest curse! What's the point!"

He breathes out a sigh of relief, holding onto his hands.

"And ... yeah, me and Molly think it's like a truth spell, or something."

suspicions confirmed, vax'ildan blurts out his next sentence without thinking.

"tell me about your most embarrassing sex story."

His eyes widen in surprise and he says without missing a beat, "When I let Molly fuck me for the first time the other night. I didn't know what I was doing."

Urrrrgh.

vax's eyes go wide, and he claps a hand over his mouth to stop himself from smiling. it doesn't do him much good.

"i'm sorry," he says, laughing, "i'm sorry. it isn't funny. i just didn't think you'd answer it like that. okay, uh.... who's your favorite member of the mighty nein? besides molly." he leans back on one elbow, observing fjord as he answers.

"Beau is my best friend but I don't have a favourite." He sits on the edge of Vax's bed, sighing. "Please don't ask questions about my private life."

His cheeks continue to blush, having turned over intimate details he otherwise wouldn't have.

vax nods-- that's a fair request, and vax feels pretty bad for violating it right away. so he adjusts himself up a little higher, running fingers along fjord's (muscular) forearms.

"okay. i'm sorry, you're right. how about i ask you about you and me instead?"

The touch is a welcome one and he covers Vax's hand with his own, giving a pat. Him and Vax? He doesn't think anything bad about him, nothing that immediately comes to mind.

"You could ask me on any normal day and I'd be just as honest," it bears saying, "but if you need the reassurance of this curse, you can ask. It's okay, I understand how reassuring truth spells can be."

Edited 2021-03-08 20:34 (UTC)

"okay."

he smiles gently, sliding those fingertips down to his hands so they can lace tentatively. it's true-- the spell is reassuring. not that he ever had a reason to doubt fjord, but he's been lied to by more honest people in his short life.

"do you think about when we were married often?"

"I think about it often." That's true. "When we were married it sparked something inside me, now we're ... fake mates, or something, and I feel bad about how much I want you sometimes."

That's probably more than Vax expected to hear but with the question hanging in the air, it provokes a completely honest answer.

"I know you're not mine, but I'll never be able to forget that once you were."

vax'ildan mulls this over for a moment, ruminating. his fingers brush fjord's in a repetitive, reassuring motion. "i don't have the, ah, mating instinct like you do," he says, choosing his inflection carefully so fjord understands that it isn't a bad thing. just different. "but i do feel... attached to you, and i worry for you a lot. maybe when i shouldn't. it's an anxiety. are you being cared for? is there someone to help you if you need someone there? i know you have molly, and i'm sure he does a great job, but i... worry. i worry."

he shrugs one shoulder. "you shouldn't feel bad about how much you want me. i'm here. what do you usually think about when you want me?"

"To be fair, I didn't know I had that instinct either, before that morning we spent together."

It touches something soft in him to hear about Vax fretting over him, wondering if he's well. He knows it's no slight on Molly, Vax wouldn't think about it like that. Or, rather, the husband Fjord trusted so implicitly wouldn't have.

He looks at Vax's hands in his, turning around on the bed to better see him and tucking under a bent leg. He smooths over slender fingers, resting the pads of two of his own over the instep of a pulse on Vax's wrist.

"I think about how much I like your smile."

vax is enjoying the conversation, easy and truthful and welcome. fjord is really opening up to him, and despite the truth spell, vax'ildan knows that it comes from his heart. this is a conversation they could have without it, he sees what fjord meant now.

and then fjord turns their hands over, resting over what would be a pulse point, if he had one. then he speaks another truth, one that sends vax's heart racing. when he looks up to fjord, the half orc is smiling, and then he says... your smile.

for a moment, vax feels like he's back in the bed with fjord, needing him, wanting to take whatever fjord can give. for a moment, he's opening himself up again, begging for more, like he's the subservient one.

"what else?" he asks, and it's suddenly a little harder to breathe in here.

If he was less distracted he would notice the lack of a pulse, but his hand simply slides back into Vax's and brings it onto his lap, held there fondly. It's his expression Fjord is paying the most attention to.

"I think about visiting Tal'dorei, after we get off this island, and sailing to your favourite port where you can meet me for fish and chips after a long, tiring voyage. And maybe," leaning down, he drops a kiss between Vax's brows, "even a month of exploring together."

speaking of his expression, vax's eyes are nearly glazed over as he hangs on to fjord's every word, shivers being sent down his spine at the simplest of fond expressions. he means the world to vax, but...

when we get off this island.

"i can't," he says, and it's almost pained as he reaches a hand up to cup fjord's cheek. "i- i can't go home after this. my home is beyond the divine gate, now. but i want that with you. somehow."

"Then I'll ask the Wildmother how to free you, if you want. If there's a way I know she would tell me."

His hand cover's Vax's on his cheek, stroking down his wrist.

"I was once tied to a leviathan but I broke away from him. He hunts me still, yet I don't regret it."

gods, he means so well. it makes vax's chest ache. he isn't the first to try and free him from his rest, and none have succeeded.

"it's nothing i can be freed from, fjord. i earned my eternal rest and i plan to take it when we're done." vax'ildan leans forward, his touches soft and his eyes equally so, especially at the thought that fjord would use his connections for him, of all people. "death is natural, fjord. i don't think the wildmother would want to go against that."

"Why do you have to be dead, though? That's not fair, we only just met."

Animated at the idea of saving Vax from some horrible doom beyond a shitty Divine Gate, he jogs their hands on his lap.

"What if we brought you into Exandria again? We could have Caduceus use a diamond on you, he can resurrect people! I think I'd need something of yours, though ... I don't remember how that spells goes, exactly." Shit, he's not the Cleric! "Melora wouldn't want you to die so young.

"I'll ask her as soon as I get Commune back, I'll ask if she can help me pull you past the gate where the Nein can help. If the Raven Queen comes for you, I'll throw a Divine Smite through her face."

"fjord."

he takes his face in both hands, this time, sitting up on his knees in front of the paladin. he wants to do so right by him, and it's truly incredible. pike had done her best, and so did vex, and everyone. they all came together, and it wasn't enough.

"it isn't going to work. i made a deal with her, i knew what was going to happen to me. i had a job to do and i did it, because if it wasn't me, it would have been my sister. i couldn't let that happen."

but gods, if he isn't the most wonderful half orc alive for wanting to try so hard.

"it means a lot that you want to do everything you can. it means the world."

Edited 2021-03-08 23:17 (UTC)

It's not fair. He knows he's being a child for feeling so wrongly done-by but it isn't fair. Staring up, he places his hands on Vax's waist to anchor him where he kneels.

"I'll still ask," he says softly. "There's no harm in it."

After a moment, he amends, "If you'll let me."

vax'ildan sighs and his shoulders seem to relax into fjord's touch. he's strong and secure and anchoring, even if vax feels like he's the one in control right now. they hold each other like this for a moment before vax finally gives way into a gentle smile, reaching up to brush a hand through fjord's hair.

"of course. it means a lot to me that you even want to try for me."

he takes a slow breath, and then asks quietly, "do you ever wish we were back in that hotel room?"

"No."

He shakes his head, dismissing the idea outright.

"I'm glad we experienced it, but it wasn't real. I would rather be out here with you, where what we do really matters. Even if you're not mine, I respect the boundaries you set for what we have and I'm grateful."

at first, vax’ildan is disappointed, unsure if fjord is just glad that it’s over. but he continues, speaking like he’s ready to fjorge a new path. with vax.

“and what boundaries are those?” he asks, mostly just for clarification’s sake. his smile never wavers, and the hands in fjord’s hold him tighter.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject