[ A breath punches out of Fjord as Molly — Molly — drags him down into a hug, only frozen for a split-second more before he squeezes him tight and hauls him into the embrace properly, a dry sob catching in his throat as he buries his face between a pair of horns. He spent the last couple of days resigning himself to having lost this great love and to have it all back at once is overwhelming, clutching at Molly's clothes in fists.
I know I love you. ]
Where did you go?
[ Drawing back to take Molly's face between his hands, he stares at him to search those red eyes and drink down the recognition, cupping around his neck. His voice cracks on unfair demands, too relieved to think his desperate pleas through but holding on for dear life. His own eyes burn, damp and spiked with the rise of new tears. ]
That fully shatters him and his red eyes overflow with tears. He sobs, breaking down between desperate hands and clutching Fjord's shirt right back. He never wants to let go again. ]
I don't know! There was... there was nothing left! I didn't think... I didn't think this would happen. That I would just be empty again.
[ Molly had fooled himself into thinking he was safe from this possibility. It was terrifying and he feels like his chest is about to crack from the agony of it all. ]
[ It feels like he might fall over and Molly too, so he instinctively pulls him back in and cups the back of his head, a strong arm going around Molly's back. He won't let him fall away, not in any respect. ]
I've got you, I've got you. I'm sorry.
[ He kisses his forehead, over and over on the same spot, over his hair and his horns. Fjord's weight drops back against the counter as he hugs Molly, daring the island to try and take him away again even as he fails to stifle his tears and the shakiness rattling his heaving ribs fractures his words. ]
I know, shhh. I know, it's okay. It's over now, you're alright.
[ Nuzzling soft curls, he runs a hand up and down Molly's back from tail to nape and back again, slow and soothing to help calm himself in the mix too. ]
The Augur must have done it to you, there's no — no other explanation. You weren't even Lucien, you were — were ... but it's over, and you're okay, and that's all that matters to me.
It was like I had just dug my way out of my grave again. Only it wasn't wet and cold and dirt in my mouth. I never thought... I expected to lose himself to Lucien. Not that.
[ He looks up at Fjord again, reaching to touch a bearded cheek softly. He smiles even though his eyes are still wet and he stands on his tippytoes to gently press their foreheads together. ]
Do you know, love? You said you think I love you to empty me.
[ Molly shouldn't be comforting Fjord, it seems so messed up. With tear-tracks down his face that melt damply into his beard under Molly's touch, he nods after a pause. ]
No, I — I know. I know you love me.
[ Greying bangs shake with his head, dismissing the topic shifting to himself. It never occurred to him Molly would remember what he said three days ago, if he ever returned. ]
You just went through your own personal nightmare again, this isn't about me.
Good... I... I never want you to doubt that. Ever.
[ He sighs and leans close to Fjord, wanting to soak in his presence as much as possible. It doesn't matter that his boyfriend was there for him the entire way, he missed him so much. It was his absolute nightmare, but he cannot shake the slow breakdown of Fjord every morning he woke up empty. ]
...and it's about us. You were hurting just as much.
[ He takes a deep breath, hands tightening a bit. ]
If the Augur did this, what was the point? Maybe... maybe I'm just finally falling apart.
You're not, you wouldn't. They're shitheads, Molly, do you remember when they made me forget everything months ago? Then how I walked into the ocean? The Augur will pay for fucking with us when we burn them down and go home. We will go home, Molly.
[ Fingers tangling in purple curls, he gives the back of Molly's neck a reassuring squeeze. ]
[ It breaks him down all over again and he hides his sobs against that wonderful, familiar chest again. He loves this man so fucking much. ]
I never want this to happen again. I want to be me. There's so much I haven't done. I like this me I've made. It's a good person, a fine person, a happy person.
You are, Molly. Nobody has the right to abuse you like that. What they put you through was torture, sweetheart, it's normal to be angry.
[ All he can do is hold on, cheek in Molly's bed-rumpled hair. Fjord gave up trying to brush it the first day, it felt like invading a stranger's personal space; now, he noses into the comforting smell of just Molly, inhaling deeply with a shaky sigh. ]
Think about our ship on the blue sea, the sunshine on our deck. That's where we're going to end up, I promise. That's what is waiting for you. For us.
[ It was torture, Fjord says, and Molly fully agrees. Playing with his worst fear like this? Hurt everybody around him? The fact that he fucking remembers everything, remembers being that empty again? He hates it.
It's kinder to think of the future he's dreaming of, of sun and water and exploring new places. Tanning in the sunlight until they're both several shades darker.
(What if he forgot that, too? His future, his promises?) ]
I think I would like to go to the ship... and maybe I could eat something.
[ He sighs and rubs the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his long hair. He should brush that, have a shower... get other clothes on. ]
I just want to get away from everything.
[ Everything obviously didn't mean Fjord, as he's still leaning to the half-orc, tail wrapped around a leg tightly to make sure he's real and there with Molly. ]
[ A plan of action has been formed! All the more efficiently with Molly looking so tired. ]
I'm going to make us a picnic basket to last a few days, you're going to head upstairs to freshen up and pack whatever you want to bring to the ship. Sound good?
It's a good thing that Fjord can form plans, because Molly can barely string two things together right now. He gives his boyfriend a shaky smile as he tells him what they will do, and nods. He could do that. He could go upstairs and clean up, brush those matted curls and grab some stuff.
He had already moved a lot of things to the ship after their talk about it during the amusement park date, and the tiefling only has to pack some clothes.
...if he could move out of Fjord's space. It feels like he's going to die if he does. ]
[ Sliding a hand up to cup an uninked cheek as he senses that unease, he leans down for a soft kiss. Foreheads together, Fjord smiles for Molly's benefit and lets it crinkle his eyes, warm with relief. ]
I love you. I'll be right here in the kitchen the whole time, I won't leave this room.
[ He feels like an idiot, but that promise makes it easier. He leans in for a kiss and then finally pulls away, taking a deep breath. The smile Molly gives doesn't quite reach his eyes yet, but at least it is a very Molly-smile. ]
[ Fjord makes a show of rooting around in the cupboards for food to steal, finding one of the sacks Caduceus uses for his vegetables. Domestic, trustworthy, just a man finding provisions for their getaway. ]
[ It takes him a while, between filling a bag with some things, having a quick (for him) shower and then primping at least a little bit to make himself feel as much himself as possible. Molly brushes his hair, wondering for the hundredth time if he should cut it... but he leaves the long violet curls as they are, bouncing just at his shoulders.
He spends a longer time than he wants to admit staring at himself in the mirror.
When he finally breaks away, Molly shrugs his coat on and grabs his bag, heading downstairs towards the kitchen again. ]
[ Fjord may have fibbed a bit; he wears fresh clothes, boots and his greatcoat, all acquired elsewhere while Molly was showering, but he is waiting in the kitchen when his boyfriend returns and has two sacks full of provisions. Since the Bagman night he hasn't been keen on personally using the Bag of Holding. ]
Here, Molls.
[ A spike of joy lodges in his chest to see him looking more like himself, even if the scaffolding of appearances is barely holding up in reality for both of them. A kiss is dropped on Molly's lips. ]
All set to go, the others might have to order from the diner for a couple of days but I don't really give a shit. Are you okay to fly to the ship or would you like to walk?
Sure thing, whatever you want. Let's have breakfast on the balcony.
[ Once they head outside he casts Fly on them, holding out a hand for Molly. Flying can be a freefall experience and he offers him something to hold onto through the blustering morning winds, rising at the same pace and keeping an eye on him. ]
[ Molly tosses his bag over his shoulder and then jumps up into the air after the rush of snowflakes on his skin. He loves this spell, loves shooting off like a crazed firework and laugh so loudly it echoes all over the island. Today, though, he keeps his hold on Fjord as they head for the tiny island port and the Ball-Eater.
When they get closer, he takes in the scent of the sea and the slightly colder breeze here. Smiling, Molly finally pulls way a bit to soar just as the sun rises. ]
[ With half his attention on Molly, Fjord floats down to the ship and checks the rigging is still secure on habit. He gives him a wave to let him enjoy the last few minutes of the spell and takes their provisions inside, heading into the corridor that leads to their second home-from-home.
Fresh air pours in through the balcony doors when he unlatches them and Fjord shrugs off his coat to start setting up a breakfast of stolen (warm!) bread made by Caleb and some cheese, meat, and fruit. He can breathe so much easier, it's incredible that Molly came back (even if he went nowhere) and he feels like if he stops the momentum they have he might cry again. ]
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lusi2020-11-13 08:36 pm
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I know I love you. ]
Where did you go?
[ Drawing back to take Molly's face between his hands, he stares at him to search those red eyes and drink down the recognition, cupping around his neck. His voice cracks on unfair demands, too relieved to think his desperate pleas through but holding on for dear life. His own eyes burn, damp and spiked with the rise of new tears. ]
Where did you go?
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That fully shatters him and his red eyes overflow with tears. He sobs, breaking down between desperate hands and clutching Fjord's shirt right back. He never wants to let go again. ]
I don't know! There was... there was nothing left! I didn't think... I didn't think this would happen. That I would just be empty again.
[ Molly had fooled himself into thinking he was safe from this possibility. It was terrifying and he feels like his chest is about to crack from the agony of it all. ]
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I've got you, I've got you. I'm sorry.
[ He kisses his forehead, over and over on the same spot, over his hair and his horns. Fjord's weight drops back against the counter as he hugs Molly, daring the island to try and take him away again even as he fails to stifle his tears and the shakiness rattling his heaving ribs fractures his words. ]
I've got you, baby.
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I'm so sorry, Fjord. [ He says softly. ] I love you, I will always love you. Even an empty me wanted to be around you.
[ It's the only comfort he can give and that's awful. ]
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[ Nuzzling soft curls, he runs a hand up and down Molly's back from tail to nape and back again, slow and soothing to help calm himself in the mix too. ]
The Augur must have done it to you, there's no — no other explanation. You weren't even Lucien, you were — were ... but it's over, and you're okay, and that's all that matters to me.
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[ He looks up at Fjord again, reaching to touch a bearded cheek softly. He smiles even though his eyes are still wet and he stands on his tippytoes to gently press their foreheads together. ]
Do you know, love? You said you think I love you to empty me.
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No, I — I know. I know you love me.
[ Greying bangs shake with his head, dismissing the topic shifting to himself. It never occurred to him Molly would remember what he said three days ago, if he ever returned. ]
You just went through your own personal nightmare again, this isn't about me.
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[ He sighs and leans close to Fjord, wanting to soak in his presence as much as possible. It doesn't matter that his boyfriend was there for him the entire way, he missed him so much. It was his absolute nightmare, but he cannot shake the slow breakdown of Fjord every morning he woke up empty. ]
...and it's about us. You were hurting just as much.
[ He takes a deep breath, hands tightening a bit. ]
If the Augur did this, what was the point? Maybe... maybe I'm just finally falling apart.
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[ Fingers tangling in purple curls, he gives the back of Molly's neck a reassuring squeeze. ]
Don't doubt yourself all because of a monster.
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I never want this to happen again. I want to be me. There's so much I haven't done. I like this me I've made. It's a good person, a fine person, a happy person.
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[ All he can do is hold on, cheek in Molly's bed-rumpled hair. Fjord gave up trying to brush it the first day, it felt like invading a stranger's personal space; now, he noses into the comforting smell of just Molly, inhaling deeply with a shaky sigh. ]
Think about our ship on the blue sea, the sunshine on our deck. That's where we're going to end up, I promise. That's what is waiting for you. For us.
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It's kinder to think of the future he's dreaming of, of sun and water and exploring new places. Tanning in the sunlight until they're both several shades darker.
(What if he forgot that, too? His future, his promises?) ]
I feel like a mess.
[ Physically and emotionally. ]
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What do you need?
[ Fjord waits to hear, poised for action. He stares at Molly expectantly, ready to help in any way he can. ]
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[ He sighs and rubs the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his long hair. He should brush that, have a shower... get other clothes on. ]
I just want to get away from everything.
[ Everything obviously didn't mean Fjord, as he's still leaning to the half-orc, tail wrapped around a leg tightly to make sure he's real and there with Molly. ]
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[ A plan of action has been formed! All the more efficiently with Molly looking so tired. ]
I'm going to make us a picnic basket to last a few days, you're going to head upstairs to freshen up and pack whatever you want to bring to the ship. Sound good?
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It's a good thing that Fjord can form plans, because Molly can barely string two things together right now. He gives his boyfriend a shaky smile as he tells him what they will do, and nods. He could do that. He could go upstairs and clean up, brush those matted curls and grab some stuff.
He had already moved a lot of things to the ship after their talk about it during the amusement park date, and the tiefling only has to pack some clothes.
...if he could move out of Fjord's space. It feels like he's going to die if he does. ]
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[ Sliding a hand up to cup an uninked cheek as he senses that unease, he leans down for a soft kiss. Foreheads together, Fjord smiles for Molly's benefit and lets it crinkle his eyes, warm with relief. ]
I love you. I'll be right here in the kitchen the whole time, I won't leave this room.
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Alright. I'll be back in a moment.
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[ Fjord makes a show of rooting around in the cupboards for food to steal, finding one of the sacks Caduceus uses for his vegetables. Domestic, trustworthy, just a man finding provisions for their getaway. ]
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He spends a longer time than he wants to admit staring at himself in the mirror.
When he finally breaks away, Molly shrugs his coat on and grabs his bag, heading downstairs towards the kitchen again. ]
Love?
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Here, Molls.
[ A spike of joy lodges in his chest to see him looking more like himself, even if the scaffolding of appearances is barely holding up in reality for both of them. A kiss is dropped on Molly's lips. ]
All set to go, the others might have to order from the diner for a couple of days but I don't really give a shit. Are you okay to fly to the ship or would you like to walk?
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(It's enough to make him function.) ]
Let's fly. I don't think I have ever actually used the gangplank.
[ They either flew or he Misty Stepped up on the deck... but hey, he knew the word! ]
We can pretend we're home.
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[ Once they head outside he casts Fly on them, holding out a hand for Molly. Flying can be a freefall experience and he offers him something to hold onto through the blustering morning winds, rising at the same pace and keeping an eye on him. ]
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When they get closer, he takes in the scent of the sea and the slightly colder breeze here. Smiling, Molly finally pulls way a bit to soar just as the sun rises. ]
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Fresh air pours in through the balcony doors when he unlatches them and Fjord shrugs off his coat to start setting up a breakfast of stolen (warm!) bread made by Caleb and some cheese, meat, and fruit. He can breathe so much easier, it's incredible that Molly came back (even if he went nowhere) and he feels like if he stops the momentum they have he might cry again. ]
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